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My excessive energy, extreme narcissism, and intense love of neon-colored spandex is both managed and fueled by my addiction to fitness. I push myself to extremes and I push other people's buttons. Obviously I needed my own blog.

Wednesday, October 24, 2012


Some of my colleagues recently held an intervention for me at work... about my consumption of Chinese food and general lack of exercise. One comment was:

Alessandra, your lack of exercise and consumption of Chinese food has hurt me in the following ways: You never eat JustSalad with me anymore, you make me think I too can be just as amazing looking by not exercising, and worst of all, you come into work with Chinese food hangovers.

This is the sign they brought when they staged the intervention.
So this was my response:

Thank you for my fitness and healthy eating intervention. I have already attended step aerobics today and hid some veggies in my pasta bolognese at lunch. I promise to make exercise and vegetables a regular part of my life. I will never give up the 40 oz Slurpee.

We use an internal social media platform at work so these are actually real posts back and forth.

Because I am a woman of my word, I went out and bought a bunch of frozen vegetables to make consuming things that are not bacon vegetables easy. Unfortunately, the vodka lost its home.

What do you mean the 1.5 liter of vodka no longer fits in the freezer?
I obviously prioritized eating the lightly sauced creamed spinach - it does exist! - but I've moved onto other Birds Eye products including the green beans. So effing easy. Toss the bag in the microwave for about 5 minutes (varies by microwave or so the package advises), wait for the bag to cool off so you don't burn your hand (I got in the shower to distract myself because I cannot be trusted not to touch hot things) throw your seasoning of choice on top, and then feel good about yourself for eating three servings of vegetables in one meal.

If you're like me, you take your sense of satisfaction to kickball and then celebrate with a trip to Dinosaur Bar-B-Que.

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