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My excessive energy, extreme narcissism, and intense love of neon-colored spandex is both managed and fueled by my addiction to fitness. I push myself to extremes and I push other people's buttons. Obviously I needed my own blog.

Thursday, August 10, 2017

CrossFit is Better with Friends

The most magical thing happened last week! My friend Erin was in Atlanta and she dropped in at CrossFit Identity. Erin and I went to college together, but we didn't know each other well. Years after we graduated, we both got into CrossFit and rescue dogs and started chatting about our shared interests on Facebook. Erin and her husband are fantastic dog parents. Their dog Chance is the coolest, and he has been a wonderful foster brother to TWENTY-SEVEN foster dogs. I am so thrilled that I got to spend some time with Erin in-person at the box. She's super strong by the way.

To make the day even better, my brand new Endless Summer by Nikki Leonard Fleo shorts arrived! These babies are the 3.25 contour, which have become my favorite Fleo short style. Just long enough to minimize chafing during runs, but still short enough to be cute, sassy, and #teamnopants.

We retested a workout that most people dislike but I kind of secretly love. You pick a heavy odd object and run 1,000 m around the loop. Our gym is located on this random street that has everything from psychologist offices to a tech incubator to 3 different yoga studios to a framing place run by veterans plus a nature preserve. The run route is a mix of parking lot, gravel, and mulch trail. On June 13, I used a 50# dumbbell and finished in 9:32. On August, I used a 50# dumbbell and finished in 8:35. Progress folks.

Friday, August 4, 2017


I used to work with a nutrition coach. I think working one-on-one with a coach is helpful, especially when you are new to flexible dieting and need someone to prescribe you some macros. My biggest frustration with coaching was that I didn't feel accountable. I either hit my macros each day or I didn't. The most important part of any diet is consistency and so most of the time I didn't have much to say during my check-ins. By the end I was getting frustrated because it felt like I was becoming a guinea pig for things she learned about, such as carb-cycling. I got this email about intermittent fasting and carb-cycling the first week of the 2016 CrossFit Open. The last thing I wanted to do before 5 weeks of competition was fuck around with my carbs. Ultimately, I decided to part ways with my nutrition coach because she started posting about "upleveling her business," which I think means she automated most of her content. My best advice to internet entrepreneurs is to avoid sending emails to your current clients about how you changed your program so that it can be mass-produced, ultimately undermining the very product your clients originally purchased.

Anyway, I kicked around the idea of getting a new coach. I tried to map out my own reverse diet and freaked out because I felt I was getting fat. I was researching coaches because of this freak out when I happened to listen to a podcast with Layne Norton, PhD, aka Biolayne. He talked about his company Avatar Nutrition and the cost of $10 a month seemed more than reasonable. About a month later, I signed up.

For the first time since I started tracking food (back in 2009), I feel like I have a system of being accountable because I weigh in each week AND I have to check a box saying if I was compliant or non-compliant with my macros during that week. I wasn't compliant for the first three weeks of using AN, and then I started feeling pretty dumb about that. I'm really good at weighing and tracking food. I'm really good at eyeballing portions. Why did I keep saying fuck it and ruining my progress? Well, I had gotten myself into a habit of just moving on to the next day. And if you have more fuck it days than compliant days, you're not moving towards your goals.

144.8 lbs on August 2, 2017

Wednesday, June 14, 2017

Weight Loss Wednesday 6.14.17

Today I woke up and weighed 143.2 lbs. My weight stayed between 146 and 147 lbs for the month of May. I've been experiencing some serious mental fatigue and my heart wasn't into tracking macros. Sometimes stressing over hitting my numbers is just enough to tip me over the stress ledge into full-on fuck it mode. I've been loosely tracking for the past month to try to stay a little accountable and to also see what I eat when I actually eat what I want when I want. I was telling my boyfriend recently that I don't know what it feels like to be hungry and then eat to meet that hunger. I'm not sure I will ever feel comfortable with 100% intuitive eating, but I've been dipping my toe in the water to see what it's like. I've learned that I usually eat lower on the protein side and higher on the fats, and I like to eat about 2,000 calories a day.

I used to feel uncomfortable about posting progress photos on my blog. I felt like I had to put on the same shorts and sports bra, which is stupidly annoying because I don't usually workout on Wednesday mornings and I had to make sure I did laundry by Tuesday. I take my "real" progress photos in my underwear because I am 1. lazy and 2. likely to get trapped in a sports bra. It's too much effort to do that twice in one day. Plus, all of my shorts make it look like I have muffin top in selfies. I realized that if I'm willing to wear a thong bathing suit to the pool (thanks Savage Swim!), why should I care about what I wear in my progress photos?

I've got some new macros - 137 P 194 C 63 F - that I started using yesterday. After a lot of fretting and research, I decided to sign up for Avatar Nutrition. I just didn't feel confident choosing my own macros and I was constantly second-guessing myself. I respect the creator - Layne Norton, I like the price point, and I'm enjoying the Facebook accountability group. 

Thursday, June 8, 2017

The Chestee

I finally bought a Chestee sports bra and let me tell you, it most definitely works. What the heck is a Chestee you might be asking - it's a sports bra with a built-in collarbone design so you can have all the fun with a barbell without the bruising. Whacking yourself in the clavicle with a barbell hurts and it's not fun when your boss asks you about your neck bruises later that week when she thinks they are hickeys. Speaking from experience here y'all.

Wednesday, May 31, 2017

May 2017 Goals

Fitness and Nutrition

CrossFit Goal: 76/200 WODs. I did 14 WODs this month.

Not CrossFit: I went to Bikram Yoga Herald Square once. I ran 6.6 miles.

Macro Tracking: I tracked loosely. I was getting pretty frustrated with my numbers and feeling trapped in a cycle of not feeling lean enough but also not feeling strong enough. My weight leveled off what I stopped freaking out about it. I tried to eat pretty well.

Water: I got new CO2 for my SodaStream. I've been hydrating on the regular.


Church: I went twice. I went to church with my parents when I was up in New York and I went to my church once.

Call a Friend: Still not doing so hot with this one, but I do remember to call my mom.

Monday, May 8, 2017

Tackling the 10K

This year I won a bib in the Peachtree Road Race, which is the biggest 10K and apparently the thing to do in Atlanta on the Fourth of July.

I've got a confession to make - I'm a little scared of the 10K. It's not a distance I've ever felt comfortable in because it's not a distance that feels natural to me. A 5K makes total sense. A half-marathon makes total sense. A 50K is just ten 5Ks. But the 10K has always lurked there. Is it a fast race? Is it a paced race?

My best time was at the Great Cow Harbor 10K back on September 17, 2011. I finished in 46:04.2. Those are 7:25 minute miles. Here are some terribly blurry screenshots I found in an old unfinished blog post.

Sunday, April 30, 2017

April 2017 Goals

Fitness and Nutrition

CrossFit Goal: 62/200 WODs. I did 13 WODs this month, including the Loganville Lockdown competition with my girl Amy.

This is me during every workout ever - shirtless, tummy out, mouth wide open.

Friday, April 28, 2017

Be Hot Yoga

I have spent the month of April going to Be Hot Yoga on Ponce De Leon Place, which is right off of the Beltline near Ponce City Market. It's a super close walk for me and right near the doggie daycare Frank and Daisy Mae go to. (It's called Spot for Dogs and we HIGHLY recommend it.)
I've been thinking about getting back into Bikram yoga for a while. I've been to a few different studios in NY and Houston, but I've never had a regular practice. The boyfriend has been doing Bikram for 7 years, and whenever I say I can't sleep or feel stressed or pretty much anything at all, he tells me that yoga and juicing would fix that. (I'm 99% sure he's not a dirty hippy.) Turns out that Bikram makes me wide awake and I haven't been able to fall asleep after any of the evening classes. Oops.

The nearest Bikram studio is in Marietta and I am not about that OTP life unless it means Chinese food. Be Hot Yoga is right down the Beltline from my apartment and most classes follow the traditional series of 26 postures, although some are combined to meet the 75 minute class format. Some instructors take some artistic license with the series. More about that later.

Wednesday, April 26, 2017

Weight Loss Wednesday 4.26.17

So this week's Weight Loss Wednesday post started as a Monday Macros post. I started it Monday morning, but decided that yesterday's workouts were relevant to how I've been feeling about my diet. This week I lowered my macros to 120 g protein, 175 g carbs, 65 g fat. The only number that changed is the amount of carbs, but it's still more carbs than the last time I was eating 1,765 calories a day.

Monday's WOD went great. We did Nancy, which is 5 rounds for time of a 400 m run and 15 overhead squats. The Rx for women is 65#, but I scale to 55#. The desired stimulus is to go fast and hard, so the OHS should be unbroken. I think yesterday was the first time I've done all 5 rounds at 55# unbroken. I finished in 14:31, which is 2 minutes and 46 seconds faster than the last time I did the workout on April 6, 2016. This is why you log you workouts folks. Data is awesome.

I was particularly proud of my color-coordinated outfit for Nancy on Monday. Couldn't care less about what I wear for work, but my workout clothes are on point.

I was so hungry Monday night before bed that I had trouble falling asleep. I wondered how much of that was mental, just knowing that I had eaten less, but I definitely felt less strong at the 6:30 AM Crossfit yesterday. I hit my 6x2 split jerks at 65#, 75#, 80#, 85#, 90#, 95#. That 95# did not feel as light as it has recently. The metcon had squat snatches at 145#. I probably would have used 125# at an evening class, but scaled to 105#.

Thursday, April 13, 2017

My Perfect Macro Day

This post is about my perfect macro day and why I ruined it. So last night I was playing macro Tetris before bed like I usually do and I was able to get ALL of my macros exactly to the gram. It was effing on point. ESPECIALLY because I had to plan around a pancake dinner at church for Holy Thursday. Not knowing what they would have, I decided 3 pancakes, 4 tablespoons of syrup, and a tablespoon of butter would work. That's a heck of a lot more syrup than I'm used to, but it fit my macros.

Wednesday, April 12, 2017

Weight Loss Wednesday 4.12.17

I've been really fired up about hitting my nutrition goals all week. It feels like something I want to do, instead of something I feel like I have to do. My weight was 146.4 lbs this morning, down from 149 lbs on Saturday. I've been enjoying all the carbs. It takes effort to hit 200 grams a day after years of trying to avoid carbs like the plague.

It was really cool to hear from you about your thoughts on my Weight Loss Wednesday 3.22.17 post. Two of my friends from the gym who have teenage and pre-teen daughters told me that reading my words gave them insight into what their girls are facing as they get older.

Monday, April 10, 2017

Monday Macros 4.10.17

Guys, I have been busy reading about metabolic adaption and reverse dieting. I also received my Savage Swim suit and I don't want to be a fluffy bunny all pool season. I devised an 8 month (yes, you read that correctly) plan to increase my caloric intake to total daily energy expenditure (TDEE) rate. Something about how Rome wasn't built in a day and abs are built in the kitchen. I am tracking my weight and body fat percentage on Mondays and Fridays. I will also track my mood, hunger, and sleep each week. This will help me determine when to increase or decrease my calories.

I set my protein to 120 grams a day. That's about 0.8 grams per pound of body weight. My daily fats are 65 grams. This week my goals is 200 grams of carbs a day. That's 1,865 calories a day. That's a little less than I have been eating lately. I'm hoping that I will feel super satiated with 200 grams of carbs.

In other news, my beloved Nissan Rogue Miranda was hit by an RV. She's not doing so hot and I already miss her. Randy the RV driver, who is actually really nice, has Progressive and they rented me a Jeep until Miss Miranda gets fixed. I ran the 3 miles to Enterprise to pick up the Jeep because I am in a Fitbit Work Week Challenge that is filled with overachievers.

Friday, March 31, 2017

March 2017 Goals

March was a hard month. My grandmother died the last week in February and I really miss her. Honestly, it doesn't seem real yet. The Open started the same week, and it took a lot out of me both physically and mentally. It was the first year where I could do almost all of the movements Rx, but I just didn't do them that well. There was no glorious feeling of getting my first toes to bar or my first chest to bar pull-up. It was just heavy. I felt heavy. I felt like I was competing against other people at my gym instead of against myself. I wasn't particularly proud of any of my scores, except for the last workout. I didn't expect to get a muscle up. I wanted a 95# snatch but I didn't believe I could do it, which probably prevented me from doing it. But 17.5 was my jam. I said it was going to be similar to 11.1/14.1 (snatches and doubleunders) but with thrusters, and I was right. I really should have bet some money on that prediction. I finished 10 rounds for time of 9 thrusters at 65# 35 doubleunders in 12:07. That's a pretty good score for recreational CrossFitter in case you were wondering.

I needed a vacation in March. Not travel for work (I was gone most of February), but an actual left my computer at home and turned off my phone vacation to somewhere warm. The boyfriend and I had vacation plans that didn't come to fruition. I'm not going to air our dirty laundry because he's a very private person (apparently not everyone keeps a blog on the internet?), but I was pissed. I was pissed in a "don't fucking call me from Florida!," stay out all night and not answer my phone, maybe won't call you for your birthday kind of pissed. I just need a few days on a beach, but pool season came a little early so I've managed.

The good news is I didn't kill him! I even announced that he now has a Bonus Birthday and we celebrated at Beetlecat in Inman Park. For two people who grew up on the water, the price of oysters in this city is a little mind-boggling, but the food is good. Like I grew up in Oyster Bay. I'm still not sure how to live landlocked, or what's so great about a lake created by the Army Corps of Engineers.

Bonus Birthday dinner

Daisy Mae celebrated her 4th birthday on March 10. She's back to walking and running and being her absurd little self. She loves to wear party dresses. Before you roll your eyes at me, come over here and watch how excited she gets when I pull one of her dresses out of the drawer. And then see what happens if you try to take it off of her.

Fitness and Nutrition

CrossFit Goal: 49/200 WODs. I did 17 WODs this month.

Not CrossFit: I went to Be Hot Yoga on Friday and purchased a 30 day unlimited class pass. I ran 2.3 miles.

Macro Tracking: I've tracked every day but I'm still pretty lax on the weekend.

Water: I'm averaging around 80 oz of water a day, not including the water in my shakes, coffee, or BCAAs.

Daisy Mae's birthday cake


Church: I went to church 3 times and I officially joined as a member on March 19. That was an incredibly great day. I am so thankful that I have found a church community that feels like family.

Call a Friend: I didn't really feel like talking to anyone. I'm not good with sympathy, and I get awkwardly direct when facing difficult times, such as the loss of a loved one. However, I did catch up with an old friend at Moe's and Joe's. It was good to see him.

The return of my Parliament Light dress, just because it makes me happy.

Wednesday, March 22, 2017

Weight Loss Wednesday 3.22.17

I was pretty fucking pissed after my last body fat test because I had lost even more muscle. I was so mad at myself for chasing a number on a scale and thinking it was a good idea to slash my calories to 1,200 - 1,500 for that Fat Loss Accelerator program. I knew it was a bad idea but I was so psyched to see 140 on the scale that I was hoping I'd get in the 130s and have abs and be strong and I was totally lying to myself. I was hungry all the time, prone to binge eating whenever the opportunity arose, and sucking at CrossFit. I also got really resentful towards stupidity. I know I'm blowing my macros when I sit down to a second dinner of tacos, choripapas, and a pitcher of margaritas. No one has to explain that to me. But I struggle to comprehend people who can't figure out macro tracking after a week. I don't care if Dr. Oz said olive oil is a healthy fat. If your stupid diet plan says you get 40 grams of fat a day, you can't douse everything you eat in olive oil and hit your numbers. And the complaints about not being able to eat enough to hit your numbers - well ma'am, you clearly don't look like you're starving so you've got to be eating something. Clearly I'm still not over this experience.

February 15, 2017 @ 146 lbs

February 22, 2017. In a hotel in Houston and didn't weigh myself.

Sunday, March 12, 2017

A Grey Run

Today I decided to go for a run after church. I figured a quick jaunt down the Beltline would get me the steps I needed to complete my weekly Pact, and perhaps I could convince the boyfriend to leave his cave apartment for food. He and I came down with terrible colds. Thankfully I appear to getting well faster.

Run, run, stop for coffee at Inman Perk. 

The patient was somewhat better and agreed to go to Ladybird for lunch. It's no Waffle House, but the food is pretty good. I tried to drink a glass of pinot grigio and didn't even want it. Send help because I'm clearly dying.

The boyfriend let me borrow his coat for my walk home. No way was I running after that brisket potato chorizo hash egg scramble. I enjoyed a leisurely stroll and took some photos, including this accidental shot of my face.

There's new art everywhere.

Paris on Ponce never disappoints. This is no filter. Grey day, pink ombre paint job, random gorilla in front of the Eiffel Tower. 

Wednesday, March 8, 2017

CrossFit Open 17.2

Dave Castro's making sure we get the most bang for our buck out of those dumbbells. Fuck my life, do I resent dumbbells. I miss my bar. I miss it's weights. Praise the CrossFit gods that we can get a barbell at any weight in 17.3.

So after a work week in Austin that included a fantastic bout of food poisoning, I was finally home in Atlanta. I was so excited for Friday Night Lights and the day couldn't go by fast enough. I made it over to CrossFit Identity around 5:30 PM. Man have I missed that place.

All photos in this post are by my talented friend Elena Pesavento of Spot-on Photo. You can follow her on Instagram at @spotonphotoatlanta and Facebook. She also has started an awesome Women of CrossFit page on Facebook and at @womenofcrossfitatl.

This is our community.

Tuesday, February 28, 2017

February 2017 Goals

Fitness and Nutrition

CrossFit Goal: 32/200 WODs. I went to CrossFit 13 times this month, which I find impressive because I was gone so many days. I dropped in at CrossFit Downtown Atlanta, CrossFit Cool Springs in Tennessee, and CrossFit Central in Austin.

The all-ladies morning class at CrossFit Central.

Not CrossFit: I went to Pure Barre once with my mom, which I always enjoy. I went to Bikram in Roslyn with my friend Keith, and I went while I was in Houston. Bikram Yoga Meyerland Plaza was really nice. I really want to add Bikram to my regular schedule, but I want to take advantage of this 30 day unlimited deal and I can't decide on the best date to start.

Macro Tracking: I loosely tracked every weekend but I wouldn't say I fully captured my days or hit my numbers. I'm a little fluffier than I would like to be but at least I've put something into My Fitness Pal.

Water: I've been really shitty at tracking my water intake. I'm going to say I failed this goal this month.


Church: I went twice this month and hit my goal. Woot woot!

Call a Friend: Even better than calling a friend, my best pal Kristen was in Atlanta for work and she met me for drinks at Ladybird. It was so wonderful being able to spend time with her in person. She was just happy she got to see where the Real Housewives of Atlanta live.

Monday, February 27, 2017

CrossFit Open 17.1

The Open is here! It's the magical time of the year when the community comes together for 5 weeks of anxiety, PRs, vomiting, and a general hate for Dave Castro. I am so fucking excited.

All I want is an Open season where I don't have to travel for work at all. Unfortunately February/March tends to be my busy travel season. I thought I had planned my travel perfectly so that I would fly back every Thursday night in time for Friday Night Lights, but God laughs at our perfectly made plans. Last week I was in Houston and found out that I would need to fly to Iowa on Thursday to attend my grandmother's funeral on Friday. I'm sad. She was a fantastic lady, and I will miss her very much. My poor boyfriend has bore the brunt of my sadness and associated nastiness because I'm a jerk who can't let people be nice to me. And because I am neurotic as all hell, I decided to become obsessed with pinning down exactly when and where I would do the 17.1 workout since I'd be freezing my ass off in Iowa while all my friends were at CrossFit Identity's Friday Night Lights.

All the fretting was senseless because I went with the boyfriend to CrossFit Downtown Atlanta on Sunday morning and everything was great. Coach Michael got us all set up. Coach Brian was my judge. The boyfriend and I got to compete at the same time, which meant I wasn't available to judge him or cheer for him and he didn't have to throw a 50# dumbbell at my head. (We actually really like each other. I promise.) All great things.

Coach Brian and me post-WOD

Wednesday, February 15, 2017

Weight Loss Wednesday 2.15.17

I'm struggling with knowing that I need to eat more so that I maintain and ideally build muscle, and feeling disappointed with how I look. The scale has been all over the place lately (146 lbs today) and I feel fluffy. I looked back over my food logs and noticed that I'm not eating as much fiber as I was when I felt and looked leaner. This is why it's a good idea to record what you eat - you can refer back and identify trends or changes in behavior.

I like to bulk prepare sweet potatoes and Brussels sprouts. I chop 3 large sweet potatoes into cubes, spread them on a baking sheet, spritz them with Pam, and then season them with salt, pepper, and Flavor God garlic seasoning. They go great with eggs in the morning or any protein you might choose for lunch or dinner. I halve a bunch of Brussels sprouts, add some diced garlic, and bake them on a baking sheet. I like a little char on my sprouts. If I'm being really decadent, I'll add chopped bacon on top.

I'm going to admit that I was really disappointed when I learned that I had lost lean muscle during my last body fat test. I thought I was getting a lot stronger and I believed I must have put some muscle back on and it just feels really crappy to know that I didn't. Am I not getting stronger? Am I just chasing numbers I used to have or would have been able to hit if I hadn't started to screw up my back? Did I fuck myself up in the head again by trying to follow someone else's diet and will I always struggle between not eating and binging?

So here are this week's photos.

Tuesday, February 14, 2017

Twenty-Four Hours in Tennessee

I had to drive to Tennessee on Sunday evening for a meeting yesterday. I left at 5:30 PM Eastern and arrived at 9 PM Central. I then left the following day at 4:30 PM Central and arrived at 10 PM Eastern. That means I drove on I-24 in the pitch black dark both nights. It was terrifying. My hands were shaking, my stomach was in my throat, and I was close to tears.

But the trip wasn't an entire bust. I got to see my Volunteer Tennessee and fellow program manager friends. I listened to Barbell Shrugged. I went to an all you can eat Chinese buffet and ate as much as I could. I enjoyed some scattered, covered, and chunked hash browns at Waffle House. And I kicked ass during my drop in at CrossFit Cool Springs.

First off, I'm a big fan of their logo. I am an even bigger fan of all the people I met. Everyone made me feel very welcomed and included. And I accidentally left my old temporary paper license on the ground (I guess it had been living in my gym bag all these months?), and Coach James sent me a text message to let me know within minutes of me leaving.

We had two metcons, and I was pretty decent at both. 

Metcon 1
13 minute clock
800 m run
75 wallballs (kill me)
AMRAP squat cleans (95/65) for the remaining time

I got 35 and those squat cleans hurt after all of those wallballs.

Metcon 2
200 doubleunders
30 KBS
100 doubleunders
30 KBS
50 doubleunders

I finished in 6:33 and felt like a rockstar.

This was plate 1 of 3 at China Buffet in Kimball, TN. It's exit 152B off of I-24. I had just listened to Obese to Beast aka John David Glaude on Barbell Shrugged for the past hour and he talked about his inspiring journey from 360 lbs of fat kid to CrossFitter and physique competitor. He briefly mentioned Panda Express at the beginning of the interview and obviously Chinese food was my primary takeaway.

I saw this Instagram post on Sunday afternoon so I obviously reposted it and then had Waffle House on my mind. But for real, I love Waffle House. One of my favorite things about living in the South.

There's a Waffle House at practically every highway exit but I chose to dine at the lovely establishment in Cartersville. The fine folks were so nice to me. It was clear that I was exhausted, cranky, and starving. I left full, mildly less bitchy, and thankful for my to-go Diet Coke.

And this is me when I arrived home. It was too late to pick up my dogs, the guy I have been seeing had agreed to substitute teach the next morning (?!) and so he was already asleep, and it was just me at home terrified of home invaders. I'm definitely staying an extra night the next time I have a 3 hour meeting.

Monday, February 13, 2017

Dekalb Farmers Market

Clint E. left a Yelp review for the Dekalb Farmers Market warning visitors to take a Xanax before they came inside. I thought he was kidding, but upon entering the place for the first time, I immediately wish that I had taken something. It's not like there's not enough Xanax lying around my place.

Clint E. was also right when he said the anxiety-fueled nightmare that is the Dekalb Farmers Market is definitely worth every stressful minute.

That guy that I've been seeing and I have started a new tradition where he calls to wake me up at whatever ungodly hour he arrives in Atlanta, we then enjoy delicious breakfast burritos at Gato, and then we go to the Dekalb Farmers Market. I know we haven't been seeing each other for very long, but I'm pretty sure that surviving a crowded market filled with 19 different kinds of radishes and some potentially illegal seafood items together without screaming or threatening one another with bodily harm is a good indication that we might actually get along. I always ask if anyone in Atlanta works and then I remember that he and I manage to go there at 11 AM on a Friday but his work schedule is weird and mine is flexible. I always drive because 1. my car has a roof and doors, and 2. I am somehow the better driver. (This is very concerning.)

Meal prep feels fantastic when you can buy a bajillion items of fresh produce and the only decent looking scallops I've seen in Atlanta for under $50. I managed to spend $80 the other day only because I bought enough fruit to make fruit salad for 20 people. It was for a picnic in the park because it's been 72 degrees in Atlanta for about a week.

I've been there thrice so I'm no expert, but this is what I've learned:

  1. Get a cart in the parking lot.
  2. Don't go hungry.
  3. Agree upon a pre-decided meeting spot for when one of you gets lost.
  4. Devise a strategy to make it to every aisle while one person mans the buggy.
  5. Make sure there's cash on your debit card because they don't accept credit cards.
  6. Don't expect the cashiers or the other patrons to find your witty banter amusing. Apparently asking who someone is and why his items are in your cart is not as funny to others.
  7. Photography is prohibited.

Literally moments later, I was being chased down by an employee and told I had to put away my phone.

Wednesday, February 8, 2017

Weight Loss Wednesday 2.7.17

I weighed 140.4 lbs on Sunday morning and 147.2 lbs on Monday morning. That, folks, is how you do Super Bowl eating. Special shout-out to Mary, my other mama, who made the best chocolate chip cookies I have ever eaten... and I ate like 50 of them. Notable mentions go to the red velvet cupcakes, the pigs in a blanket that I dipped in guacamole, Melissa's mac and cheese, and the hot dog bar at Melrose and McQueen. Who would have thought to put fried chicken skins on a hot dog? A fucking genius, that's who.

Tuesday, February 7, 2017

Anxiety and Depression

I've seen these meme posted on the interwebs quite a bit. Honestly, I wish I could eat when I'm anxious. Sometimes when I feel like I'm having a panic attack, I realize that I haven't eat in hours or since yesterday, and I'll force myself to choke down whatever I've prepped for lunch, and my brain is suddenly a lot clearer. I also know that many people struggle with abusing food. Oreos may be your vice of choice. Mine is pinot grigio on an empty stomach.

Exercise really helps me cope with my anxiety. Running helps me to think and process my thoughts. CrossFit is fantastic because my brain shuts off for the entire hour. It sometimes feels like it's the only time of the day when I get a break from myself. Worrying all of the time is exhausting.

I have struggled with both anxiety and depression, and it can be very lonely. I'm pretty open about seeing a psychologist and taking medication, but I still feel judged at times for admitting that I don't have it 100% together. After I was attacked, it seemed like people were more understanding, but I still feel a little ashamed that I rely on prescription drugs. I was packing for NJ last week and I was like shit, I have six bottles in my carry-on.

Today I have been fretting over the stupidest things. My internet was out in the morning (again) and I got myself so worked up about having to walk to Starbucks to prep for my check-in with my manager. I was so flustered that I kept saying words out of order and then I got even more anxious that I sounded stupid or drunk. Sometimes I feel nauseous when I think about sending simple emails or calling people back. I'm great in a crisis. I have no problem rising to the occasion if we've got a stage 5 fire alarm and only 3 hours to handle the issue, but a regular day at work can feel like the most daunting thing in the world. I'm supposed to pick someone up from the airport tomorrow, and I seriously considered texting to say that I had an unexpected business trip and wouldn't be home this week.

Why am I admitting to this on the internet? Well for starters, putting it out there makes me feel less trapped by shame. And you might be going something similar and feeling very alone. I'm going to try to buckle down and crank out some work this afternoon. I am currently eating lunch, even thought I don't want it. I'm going to go to CrossFit at six with my friends and enjoy their company. It's okay to feel dumb about your first world problems, but that doesn't make them feel any less real.

Monday, February 6, 2017

Bikram Yoga Roslyn

Two years ago, I was visiting my parents in New York for a couple of weeks and I went to Bikram Yoga Roslyn. It was a really rough time. I had recently been attacked, and I had stopped sleeping. Not sleeping will drive you insane. I was fighting a lot with my then boyfriend, I knew I was getting laid off, and I felt like I had wasted a year of my life in Atlanta by not making any friends. I walk into the studio, not knowing anyone, and I met Keith. He made me feel so welcomed and I really needed a friend that week.

Keith and I have kept in touch and we got to practice together on Saturday! He really is the best because he got up at the ass crack of dawn to go to the 7:30 AM class because I had an early afternoon flight. Mary Griffin taught class and it was lovely.

Friday, February 3, 2017


My mom is pretty badass. She goes to Pure Barre six days a week AND she also does cardio at her conventional gym. I came up north for two days of AmeriCorps training in Trenton, NJ, and I obviously decided to make a stop in New York for an almost free trip to visit my mama. (I paid for my LIRR train ticket thank you very much.) The benefits of being able to work anywhere with a WiFi connection are clutch.

My mom takes me with her to Pure Barre Huntington Village when I'm staying at the family homestead. Today's class wasn't particularly difficult but I enjoyed spending some quality time with her just the same.

It turns out that my mom has some serious fan girls at PB. They told me that her work ethic, agelessness, and beauty motivates them in class. My mom is very good at Pure Barre and she inspires me, so I get it.

I met her friend Laura, who is adorably sweet. She recently started Pure Barre and has already joined the 100 Club! Laura has sick shoulders and they are very mobile. I kept staring at her form in the mirror and was like, dang it woman, teach me your ways!

My mom refused to take a selfie with me but said we could take a picture of our socks. Clearly she doesn't care about my social media presence.

The family that tucks together looks a hell of a lot better in their spandex.
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