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My excessive energy, extreme narcissism, and intense love of neon-colored spandex is both managed and fueled by my addiction to fitness. I push myself to extremes and I push other people's buttons. Obviously I needed my own blog.

Sunday, December 23, 2018

December Reflections

Well friends, it's been a while. I haven't felt the urge or the ability to write because I've been working to process everything that happened this fall. First off, going back to college at 32 years old has been an incredible opportunity, but also scary and a little confusing. For those who don't know, I have a master's degree in teaching. I did Teach For America right out of undergrad and was a teacher for three years before transitioning into education nonprofit work for seven years. Education was never supposed to be my career but I kept putting off going back to school because I was scared to give up my paycheck and I didn't think I could pursue what I am actually passionate about - nutrition, health, and fitness - because I never thought I was good enough at science or math. But circumstances gave me the gift (and the kick in the ass) to enroll at Georgia State as a post-baccalaureate student. The great news is that I got an A in my Principles of Nutrition course. I am excited about my studies. But it also took most of the semester for me to relearn how to study. I feel prepared to kick ass next semester and I am really looking forward to taking Human Anatomy and Physiology II.

I found these as part of a class assignment and now I'm addicted to pink princess cheddar Goldfish.

My course schedule was a little wonky this fall because I literally enrolled the last hour of the add/drop window and I took whatever class sections I could get into. I made it to CrossFit regularly but I didn't have the motivation or drive to do the extra work that allowed me to make so much progress during the spring and summer. I'm not upset about this because school should be my top priority, but I am looking forward to a more consistent schedule. My classes are all in the evening next semester (as of now), which should allow me to carve out 2 hours each day to spend at the gym doing the regular programming, the extra pieces, and my physical therapy exercises.

I have to plan my sessions accordingly because I look like a domestic violence victim crossed with a leopard afterwards.

I really fell off the wagon with my physical therapy but my girl Kelsey fit me in recently and did amazing work on my lats and shoulders. If you are looking for fantastic physical therapists, look no further than Lauren and Kelsey of Repair Perform Recover. I love them. Their office is at CrossFit Identity, and they are at CrossFit 404 and CrossFit Terminus at certain dates/times each week. I'm setting minimal New Years Resolutions this year but daily PT exercises will definitely make the short list.

Coca-Cola's Christmas party's best looking plus one

I've gotten very jazzed about the possibility of competing in Strongman next year. Coach Andrew teaches a weekly Strongman class at CFID and I've absolutely loved going. Unfortunately it looks like the classes are going to stop Spring 2019, so I'm hoping to find someone who can help me reach my Strongman goals. I love the CrossFit community and I love challenging myself with stuff I'm bad at (hello gymnastics!), but I am fired up about Strongman. There's a reason I say barbell days are the best days and love carrying the yoke. To be honest, I'd much rather carry a 120# sandbag for a mile than ever do another toes to bar a day in my life.

Sundays are for football and doggo snuggles.

I went from constantly working with absolutely no say over my work travel to suddenly being home every day. I didn't have to take video conferences in the airport anymore or wake up in a different Hilton 4 nights in a row. I have really enjoyed spending so much time in Atlanta, but it's also highlighted that I need to start being more proactive with friends. I never really knew where I was going to be or if my boyfriend was going to be home, so I just rolled back into town and did whatever. But I started feeling left out of things this fall since I was home all of the time and noticed that people had a lot of plans without me. I don't expect to be invited to everything but I started to wonder if I could be making more of an effort. Or they all hate me and I need to make new friends.

And speaking of the boyfriend, we broke up in the spring and then kind of dated for the rest of the year. Being fake single is weird. It's like being in the same bad relationship while being able to date other people but without having to go through the growth process of an actual break-up. I'm really bad at break-ups. I just let relationships drag on in strange iterations until one of us ends up with someone else. I did meet someone I really liked in October. On our first date, he asked me why I moved to Atlanta and I explained how I had no real reason to move here except for the fact that I wanted out of New York and I fell in love with the city while on a business trip. I shared how I had built this incredible life here surrounded by people I love who fill my life with friendship and community. I said that I had become the best version of myself in Atlanta. And then, just a month later, I was back to being everything I disliked about myself when I lived in New York. It's really crazy how I let one person's opinion and treatment of me impact me so terribly.

Spoiler alert: That person is not a guy you meet at Big Sky Buckhead.

I truly believe that only you can allow someone to make you feel less than. I mean, he or she can treat you like garbage, but you have to be willing to let them continue treating you that way. I've been taking this time off from school to take a step back and reflect on why I've made some of the decisions I have made, why I seem drawn to people who don't treat me the way I deserve to be treated, and how I can stop repeating the same destructive behavior.

Several years ago, when asked why I am the way I am (i.e. extra, unfiltered, frequently dressed in leopard print and glitter), I said that I am a neon rainbow zebra and it's not my problem if the plain ponies in the barn take offense at my fabulousness. I was teasing because I thought the whole question was absurd. Why would I want to change things about myself to be less bright because a couple of girls at the pool were acting petty? But moving forward, and especially in 2019, I am going to remind myself daily that I am a neon rainbow zebra and it is my right and my duty to be this fabulous. I am the person who makes me the best version of me and I am going to love myself.

I recommend keeping a neon rainbow zebra screenshot on your phone at all times.

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