Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. (Corinthians 13:4-7)
Today I ran the long run I skipped last Friday in favor of watching The Young and the Restless in bed with my dog. Spectacular idea at the time and I felt pretty good on my run today. I had 8 miles to cover before my Pure Barre class at noon. I left a little bit after 9:30 AM and headed south on the Eastside Beltline Trail.
|I had to run 4 more miles after the Beltline so I hit up Piedmont Park|
I don't think I understood what it meant to have your heart physically hurt until that happened. But I'm thankful for the experience because I started thinking about the things I wanted in my life - a partner, someone with whom to form and celebrate silly Christmas traditions, a person who would have my back as much as I had his. But I also realized NY wasn't the place for me to create my happiness. I had been waffling on the idea of moving for over a year. I didn't want to give myself the option of entertaining the chance of seeing him or what-ifs, and so I elected not to renew my lease. I gave myself 5 weeks to choose between San Diego and Atlanta. I took 3 and chose Atlanta.
My boyfriend broke up with me last week. It didn't come as much of a surprise. In many ways, I also wanted out of the relationship. I lost my voice this past year. I think that's become pretty evident in my writing. My blog seemed so sanitary and lacked emotion. I worried about offending people, and I worried about being punished for writing my feelings. It's no fun feeling second best or last choice, and worrying that someone isn't with you because of you. And I keep records of wrongdoing and have trouble letting things go, especially when someone doesn't ask for my forgiveness. I'm somewhere between sadness and anger about it.
|view from above the Active Oval in Piedmont Park|