Some other things have changed in the years that I've been doing CrossFit. Six months into CrossFit and I was fitting into jeans I bought when I was 13. Three years and six months into CrossFit and I just don't fit in jeans.
I think I look pretty thin in that photo and those jeans were effing tiny, but I looked back at my December 2013 blog posts and I'm fluffy as fuck. I am so much stronger and feel so much better now. I think I look better too. The photo below is Christmas Eve 2013. I don't know how much I weigh and I think I was eating mostly paleo plus a lot of alcohol. So basically nothing has changed except I now eat rice...
Kidding aside, I think it's pretty cool that I can't find a record of my weight on my blog for several months of 2013 and 2014. While I ultimately think I gained too much fat by not properly fueling my body, I started to accept myself for this first time. I lost some of that acceptance and I hope to find myself back there soon. I get frustrated that I don't look like I spend that much time in the gym, but then I remind myself that I shut Blake's down at 3 AM this morning and Tito's isn't helping me hit my macros.
Fun fact - I'm pretty sure the guy I've been seeing is going to stop speaking to me if I tell him Tito's has calories again.
I reread this blog post recently and loved seeing that I got 7 back squats at 115#. I can warm up with that weight now. And I don't use bands for pull-ups anymore. In fact, I got three strict pull-ups the other morning. I also ripped my hand like a rookie on Tuesday because someone thought it was a good idea to program 60 toes to bars and 60 pull-ups in one WOD.
So my skills have grown, my thighs are bigger, my waist is hopefully smaller. But more importantly than strength and aesthetics, I have grown so much as a person in the past 3.5 years. My confidence is rooted in my abilities and my willingness to be part of something bigger than myself. And that's a hell of a lot more important than those Juicy Jeans.
PS - I totally tried to put those on when I was home last August and I got stuck and ripped the belt loop out in an attempt to free myself. My mother told me to throw them out. RIP Juicy Jeans. RIP.