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My excessive energy, extreme narcissism, and intense love of neon-colored spandex is both managed and fueled by my addiction to fitness. I push myself to extremes and I push other people's buttons. Obviously I needed my own blog.

Friday, April 20, 2012

Mrs. Professor Ventures Outside to Run

The beautiful wife of our very own Professor surprised us all when she left the gym and ran outside. I've been trying to get her to do this for years, but now that she's running the NYRR Mini 10K, she's taken to the streets.

Mrs. Professor sent in the following op/ed. My comments are in blue.

1. No absent minded idiots wander into your path (I am one of those idiots. Sorry I text while running.)
2. There are loos nearby at all times (She's British. There are a number of bathrooms along the West Side Highway. If you're on the East River Esplanade, you can take a cue from the homeless and just drop trou.)
3. It does not rain on my treadmill (Real runners love rain.)
4. Perfectly accurate mileage reporting, no Garmin necessary (This is true, but you can't analyze your mile splits in relation to a map.)
5. Less people see me looking like a mal-cooridated fool, often no-one (The best part of running is eye-fucking other runners)
6. My gym is not open on Sunday and therefore I have no guilt about not running that day. (I'm frequently too drunk/hungover to run on Sundays, but I try to get my cardio in bed. Although I have reported that this is impossible, my current partner challenges these scientific findings.)
7. Similar to 6..It closes early, so sadly I frequently cannot go after work (Do you go before work?)
8. Hamsters are adorable and there is less air pollution inside (?) (Does Noodles go to the gym with you?)
9. There is a nice chilled water cooler with those little cups nearby (At the Island School, I learned how to run with a full Nalgene at all times. Your husband appreciates this talent as he never brings water and then gets thirsty.)
10. It is more acceptable to fall off a treadmill than just fall over while running outdoors (But you might find husband number two this way...)

Possible outdoor benefits that I will take into consideration include:
1. Ability to get from point A to B (More reliable than taxis, but then you're all sweaty when you get to B.)
2. Option to smoke (I don't think it's weird that I keep a pack of cigarettes in my running pouch. The post-run smoke is even better than the post-sex smoke, but not as good as the first cigarette of the day smoke.)
3. Sunshine (sometimes) (I mean you can run indoors with sunglasses on. I've done it.)

This is Noodles.


  1. Before work?? Are you mad??
    Noodles also prefers indoor running on her wheel.

    1. Before work was my polite way of saying, "Do you ever go to the gym?"

      I'm glad that Noodles has standards regarding exercise climate since she tolerated rat home invaders.

  2. I have a guinea pig named noodle! Http://

    1. I am petrified of pet rodents. I cry when I hold Noodles. I bet your Noodles is cute (from afar) though.


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