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My excessive energy, extreme narcissism, and intense love of neon-colored spandex is both managed and fueled by my addiction to fitness. I push myself to extremes and I push other people's buttons. Obviously I needed my own blog.

Monday, June 30, 2014

Pat Sherwood

When I started CrossFit, I YouTubed everything because I normally had no idea what the posted WOD meant and even if I could decipher the acronyms, I still had little to no idea of how the movement should look. Thinking I should go to the source, I frequently hit up CrossFit HQ's channel, and while they certainly post instruction, I didn't always find what I needed as a beginner for the day's particular WOD. I may not have found the how-to videos I was looking for, but I did find Pat Sherwood.

I love Pat Sherwood.

What started as a casual affinity for The CrossFit Games Update Show, became quality time with my future husband. I didn't care that most of the content was outdated considering it was already July 2013 and the Games were fast approaching. It was all new to me and I enjoyed it.

the picture that really stole my heart

Then I found Pat Sherwood's Instagram account, which I obviously followed immediately. That's where I learned he is a former Navy SEAL who programs the Monday Monster Mash and loves Diet Coke. That's also where I learned that my friend Charlie from high school works with Pat Sherwood but more about that later.

So now it's February 2014 and we're about to start the Games season with the Open. My love for Pat Sherwood is strong and I only refer to him as Pat Sherwood, pronounced as one word. Every freaking week is like Christmas as HQ posts videos of Pat Sherwood and Sean Woodland discussing the workouts and the athletes and their predictions. Sometimes Miranda Oldroyd is with them and this just makes me giddy with excitement. I have clearly chosen an ideal CrossFit crush - I can even program my YouTube settings to get him sent directly to my inbox.

one of the happiest moments of my life
Back in real life, I have been Gchatting nearly nonstop with a friend from high school. Call me naive, but I just thought he enjoyed hearing by-the-minute updates of my CrossFit progression. And it didn't seem odd when he offered to come down to Atlanta to help me pick out my apartment or when he invited me to stay with his parents so I wouldn't have to pay for a hotel. And it didn't really seem that weird for me to go to his niece's birthday party since I was already down there and I did know his parents and I had met his brother the last time I came down to visit seven years before. It was Minnie Mouse themed and there were Chik-fil-a nuggets. I wasn't missing that thing for the world. And that friends, is how I started dating my boyfriend.

What does my boyfriend have to do with crush on Pat Sherwood? Remember that friend Charlie who works at CrossFit with Pat Sherwood? That would be my boyfriend's heterosexual life partner best friend. And when I was away in Denver for that crying conference in the woods and wasn't able to get Games tickets because apparently it's frowned upon to leave a session to try to get cell reception to set up your MiFi, my boyfriend knew how bummed I was so he surprised me with tickets. And because my boyfriend is wonderful and wants to make me happy when he's not starting fights with me, he called Charlie to see if I could meet Pat Sherwood while we are out in Carson for the Games.

Take a moment to think about that.

My boyfriend has arranged for me, his girlfriend, to meet Pat Sherwood. Pat Sherwood, my CrossFit Crush, who regularly tempts me with Diet Coke photos (I've been clean since December 2012) and influences my lunch decisions (avocado and sliced turkey is delicious and easy to grab on your way to work.) Suddenly calling a man I do not know "my future husband" feels weird when my boyfriend calls to tell me that Charlie got a call from Pat while they were at the gym together. Who is this Pat? A real guy with a real job who calls my real friend with his real phone. And just like that, my love has been compromised, my relationship is tainted. Shit got real.

As excited as I am to go see the Games, I am anxious about the moment I meet Pat Sherwood. I will likely be sweating uncontrollably (I am very sweaty to begin with and this is California in July) and it will likely turn into the most epic display of social anxiety EVER. I'm actually sweating just thinking about it. Do I have to call him Pat?

This is a photo of my friend Kyley with Pat Sherwood and Sean Woodland. She had the audacity to send it to me with the message, "Do you know these people?" If by know, she means do I have imaginary relationships with them, then the answer is yes.

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