13 Things I Learned in 2013

It's that special time of the year when I reflect on lessons that I have learned in the last twelve months.

1. CrossFit is life changing. In six months my life went from empty to overwhelmingly full. I am stronger physically, mentally, and emotionally. I feel human. I have hope.

2. I have true girlfriends. A pretty awful thing happened this year and I learned that I have seven women in my life that are completely there for me. I didn't really let them in but knowing that they supported me meant more than I think I bothered to tell them. So ladies, thank you.

3. You can't fix someone else's crazy. I don't know what it is about me but if you've got a few screws loose and twelve or more issues you need to deal with, you are immediately attracted to me. I have problems with commitment and hiding behind these often dramatic and exceedingly hurtful pseudo-relationships allows me to avoid my own issues. I can only fix my own crazy and I better get working on that before I end up alone with cats. (There's like 17 people who are going to think this is about them. I assure you it only applies to 12.)

4. I can run 50 miles. Let's see how long my ultra retirement lasts. (Hint: I'm back in the 50K game this March.)

5. Life goes on without Diet Coke and 40 oz Slurpees. I gave up Coke products, including Coke Slurpees right before New Year's last year. I don't even think about them anymore. I had a tropical something or other Slurpee this summer and I will drink the occasional Sprite if I am super hungover, but otherwise I'm soda and Slurpee-free.

6. I really love Atlanta and I really love San Diego. I'd like to live in both cities someday. I'm still trying to figure out if someday is May 1, 2014.

I'm having a great time.

7. Changes and new friends are great but not at the expense of losing yourself. I like to throw myself into things fully - work, fitness, relationships, organizing my closet by item and color... but this also means that I don't do moderation and that I feel off course or abandoned when things don't go as I have would liked. I am the constant and I need to remember that.

(Except with the closet. I mean it's a commitment to maintain, but you always feel good knowing exactly where to locate a green sweater and a brown tweed skirt, in the dark, when some guy is sleeping in your bed and you don't want to wake him up before you escape to go to work. This is when you leave instructions on how to lock your door on a monogrammed post-it on your bathroom mirror and you hope he doesn't do something stupid like leave behind articles of clothing so he has an excuse to see you again. Be warned. If you leave something in my apartment, it is mine. Possession is nine tenths of the law.)

8. Running is not always the best option. I am in the best shape of my life and I rarely run more than five rounds of 400m sprints. Run if you love it but it's not going to give you the body that you want or the strength that you need to be the best athlete you can be.

9. My sister is pretty neat. We haven't always gotten along in the past but we've recently been having a lot of fun together. I'm excited to see where our relationship heads next.

rocking jorts since 1991

10. Happiness is a choice. I wake up and choose to think positively, look on the bright side, and allow joy into my life. I choose to be happy.

11. I lash out at people. I have made a lot of changes this year but one thing I really still struggle with is my temper when I feel frustrated, embarrassed, or threatened. In 2014 I commit to stop making accusations and calling people out on their shortcomings and instead admit what I am really feeling - not good enough.

12. I am awful at club sports. Kickball, volleyball, soccer - I am horrible at all of them. Running really long distances does not translate into hand-eye coordination. Sorry to disappoint you.

13. I'm ready to be the person I know I can be. I want to have feelings, let others in, experience empathy. I want to be the person I've pretended to be for short periods of time before I shut down and shut off. I want real relationships with genuine people. I'd like a family - but please, give me a few years before I'm dropping little ones off at CrossFit Kids.

as weird as this looks, it makes your back feel amazing