Sports Leagues for Adults

I've spent the past year looking for a league of my own. (See what I did there? A play on A League of Their Own? Yup.) New York City loves bringing young professionals together to play sports on fields and courts two sizes too small and then encouraging them to get shitfaced on weeknights at a local watering hole that you'd never choose to frequent otherwise.

I started off by joining my company's ZogSports kickball team. It was pretty fun when I worked in the other office and the games became my time to see the folks from across the street. Then I switched offices and the novelty wore off. And I realized that I hate kickball. It's everything that sucks about baseball, plus being whacked by a rubber ball that is more painful than one would think. The last straw was playing in the late fall aka winter league and it was freezing and everyone was sad and we had to go all the way to Hamilton Heights each week.

happier days before the first frost

I was then asked to join my friend's NYC Social Sports Club volleyball team. I signed up even though I knew I was awful at volleyball the last time I had played - in the fifth grade. Guess what guys? Being able to run thirty miles doesn't translate into hand-eye coordination. My crappy playing really bothered many of my teammates and I ended up taking myself out of as many rotations as I thought I could get away with. NYC Social is almost more about the post-game drinking than the actual game and I carried their asses in flip cup so booyah. I also met one of my best friends by playing on that team so weekly humiliation and epic hangovers at work were totally worth it.

quite the cast of characters

My volleyball team signed up for flag football but my travel schedule prevented me from joining. I think they were secretly relieved. Then one of my coworkers and I were having lunch and she asked if I wanted to play soccer on a NYC Soccer team with some of her outside of work friends. They needed girls.

I played soccer through the ninth grade so I really thought this was my opportunity to play a league sport well. Nope. Not good. My only true value-add to the team is my willingness to throw my body in front of players on the opposing team in an effort to get the ball away from them. That's how I ended up clotheslining myself on a guy's shoulder last night. Most people hesitate when they see me charging at them. As I came closer to this player, I could tell that he wasn't backing down and I was like, I respect that, and then I felt the impact of his shoulder slamming into my jaw and then I was on my back looking up at the sky. He helped me up, I brushed myself off, and kept playing.

I'm not sure if I'll play on the fall soccer team. Ideally the folks from volleyball would play soccer in the fall and I'd practice a lot and get good. I have some time to make a decision.

Vegetables

Some of my colleagues recently held an intervention for me at work... about my consumption of Chinese food and general lack of exercise. One comment was:

Alessandra, your lack of exercise and consumption of Chinese food has hurt me in the following ways: You never eat JustSalad with me anymore, you make me think I too can be just as amazing looking by not exercising, and worst of all, you come into work with Chinese food hangovers.

This is the sign they brought when they staged the intervention.

So this was my response:

Thank you for my fitness and healthy eating intervention. I have already attended step aerobics today and hid some veggies in my pasta bolognese at lunch. I promise to make exercise and vegetables a regular part of my life. I will never give up the 40 oz Slurpee.

We use an internal social media platform at work so these are actually real posts back and forth.

Because I am a woman of my word, I went out and bought a bunch of frozen vegetables to make consuming things that are not bacon vegetables easy. Unfortunately, the vodka lost its home.

What do you mean the 1.5 liter of vodka no longer fits in the freezer?
Ugh.

I obviously prioritized eating the lightly sauced creamed spinach - it does exist! - but I've moved onto other Birds Eye products including the green beans. So effing easy. Toss the bag in the microwave for about 5 minutes (varies by microwave or so the package advises), wait for the bag to cool off so you don't burn your hand (I got in the shower to distract myself because I cannot be trusted not to touch hot things) throw your seasoning of choice on top, and then feel good about yourself for eating three servings of vegetables in one meal.

source

If you're like me, you take your sense of satisfaction to kickball and then celebrate with a trip to Dinosaur Bar-B-Que.