As I was gathering my thoughts for this year's XX Things I Learned in 20XX post, I started reflecting a lot on personal growth, setting goals, and trust.
I think I've grown a lot as a human being this year. I don't feel the need to hide behind the overly friendly, too loud, larger than life and always up for a party persona I created to basically just deal with people so many years ago. I feel more present, less manipulative, and I'm not going through the motions as a means to an end. As the Lumineers (anyone else secretly love their music but feel ashamed to admit it?) say, "It's better to feel pain than nothing at all." Feelings ain't so bad. They're actually kind of refreshing and break up the monotony of the day and week.
I had to set so many goals when I was teaching that the word actually makes me cringe a little bit. Backwards planning, benchmarks, progress to goal... These are things that I've applied to CrossFit. I told myself that I was going to have three consecutive pull-ups by Christmas Day and I figured out what I needed to learn to do to get that done, including accepting feedback about using my lats and reassessing my progress. I didn't have access to a pull-up bar until today but guess who has THREE CONSECUTIVE PULL-UPS? This girl. The first two I banged out but the third took a little extra effort, but at no point did my hands leave the bar nor did my feet make contact with the ground. Setting goals is a good thing because it makes me push myself to be better. My self-performance review at work always includes me admitting that I never believe my work is good enough for the next day because whatever is good today should be better tomorrow. Continuously improving and relentless pursuit of results.
Trust is a crazy thing when it comes to human relationships. I believe that you will act in a certain way so I allow you to get close to me and I confide in you? That sounds pretty risky to me.
If you haven't seen the meme for this yet, let me pass off:
“Friendship is weird. You pick a human you’ve met and you’re like, "yup I like this one," and you just do stuff with them,"
as my own.