My new running partner/neighbor who replaced the last one who moved back to California bailed on me this morning. He had a date last night and the only excuse for this cancellation is he got laid. I expect a status report when you read this sir. Anyway, I was up, so I texted that guy I've been seeing to see if he wanted to go for a run. He lives on my street, he likes to run, he has a nice ass - all things that made him seem like an ideal last-minute fill-in running partner.
He schooled me. Over the course of a 2.5 mile run, from 82nd Street to the 59th Street Bridge and back along the river, I was probably a half a mile behind him the entire time. What does it matter if your running partner has a nice ass if you can't even see it?!
At first I tried to keep up but then my leg hurt and I started wheezing. Then I grumbled in my head about how I am a distance runner now and it takes me at least 5 miles to really get going. Then I started getting annoyed. He is so much faster than I am and he's in much better shape. Freaking CrossFit.
I don't think I was very nice as I said goodbye and on my walk home (all 150 yards from his place - this is going to end so badly), I thought about the things that make him superior to me.
- He is in better shape
- He can run faster
- He has visible abs
- His arm muscles are more defined (mine are not visible)
- He cooks better than I do
- He is almost as good-looking as I am
- He might be better than I am in bed
In the shower (alone), I made a mental list of why I am better.
- I am older (this I moved into the other column as "He is younger than I am")
- I am a better drinker (false - at brunch he out-drank me immediately and didn't have to squint one eye to walk in a straight line)
- I have more tattoos
I resent him and therefore, will punish myself by ignoring him.