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My excessive energy, extreme narcissism, and intense love of neon-colored spandex is both managed and fueled by my addiction to fitness. I push myself to extremes and I push other people's buttons. Obviously I needed my own blog.

Thursday, March 28, 2013


I firmly believe that some people are better than others. It's not based on gender, race, or ethnicity - but come on, 8 minutes on the NYC subway proves that we're not all created equal. I'm okay with people being better than others. I'm not okay with people being better than I am.

My new running partner/neighbor who replaced the last one who moved back to California bailed on me this morning. He had a date last night and the only excuse for this cancellation is he got laid. I expect a status report when you read this sir. Anyway, I was up, so I texted that guy I've been seeing to see if he wanted to go for a run. He lives on my street, he likes to run, he has a nice ass - all things that made him seem like an ideal last-minute fill-in running partner.

He schooled me. Over the course of a 2.5 mile run, from 82nd Street to the 59th Street Bridge and back along the river, I was probably a half a mile behind him the entire time. What does it matter if your running partner has a nice ass if you can't even see it?!

At first I tried to keep up but then my leg hurt and I started wheezing. Then I grumbled in my head about how I am a distance runner now and it takes me at least 5 miles to really get going. Then I started getting annoyed. He is so much faster than I am and he's in much better shape. Freaking CrossFit.

I don't think I was very nice as I said goodbye and on my walk home (all 150 yards from his place - this is going to end so badly), I thought about the things that make him superior to me.
  • He is in better shape
  • He can run faster
  • He has visible abs
  • His arm muscles are more defined (mine are not visible)
  • He cooks better than I do
  • He is almost as good-looking as I am
  • He might be better than I am in bed
The last two bullet points are almost too much to bear.

In the shower (alone), I made a mental list of why I am better.
  • I am older (this I moved into the other column as "He is younger than I am")
  • I am a better drinker (false - at brunch he out-drank me immediately and didn't have to squint one eye to walk in a straight line)
  • I have more tattoos
I resent him and therefore, will punish myself by ignoring him.


  1. Of all the posts I've read I think this one makes me laugh the most and is also so very close to the way I think. I do comparisons between myself and others constantly, and if I feel that someone is better than me (male), I also punish myself by ignoring them. Lol, so glad I had the pleasure to meet you this weekend.

    1. Ashley! It was so great to meet you at the wedding!! And I was so happy when you told me that your read my blog!!

      I am so horribly competitive with men that I just shoot myself in the foot all of the time. This kid (who we obvs talked about at the wedding as I started hoarding the rest of the Budweiser) kept asking me to drop in at his CrossFit box with him and I refused because I didn't want him to see me try things I didn't know how to do. But now he's ignoring me so I no longer have to worry about those invitations.


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