The Never-Ending Journey

I was looking for an old email the other day when I came across a message from the 24-year-old dated March 29, 2013.

I obviously told him I would not be making it and if I had gone, there was a high possibility I would have had a heart attack right on the floor of CrossFit 5th Ave. I had been up until 3 AM preparing for San Diego to go live and was back at the office by 7:25 AM that same morning. I remember reading this and just being completely shut down by what I saw. I mean the only thing on the list that I could do were the burpees. I didn't want to admit how out of shape I was.

Six and half months into my CrossFit journey, I only need to scale the handstand push ups and drop the power snatch down to 65#. Ten months ago I would never have believed that I'd have a 185 lbs deadlift or be able to do hand release push ups. I didn't know what wallballs meant back then but if I did, I'd have said no fucking way. Now I dislike them but I sure can hit those targets.

I have good days and bad days at CrossFit but there's never been a day that I've regretted going. I learn so much about myself there - how I react to failure, my persistence in the face of challenges, that I know there are times to crush it and times when cheering on a friend is more important than a better time on the clock. It pains me that when I received that email, I felt too ashamed of how I looked and my level of fitness to even try. I was so embarrassed that I had let myself get to that point. CrossFit has taught me that failure is not trying. I might fall off the box every time I try a scaled HSPU (it's actually closer to one in every five), but I'm never going to get there by hiding at my desk.

I leave you with a Facebook post written by my friend James Quigley, who is a coach at EVF Performance CrossFit Upper East Side. He captured the feelings I have at CrossFit so eloquently that you just need to read it for yourself.