In an effort to bond with my mother, I attempted to watch The Bachelor with her this evening. I made it through five minutes before spitting up a piece of my sandwich and being forced to evacuate the premises. While I've lost five minutes of my life and many more brain cells, I was struck by an incredible idea: I should have my own dating show!
So here's my pitch. Twenty-five guys are gathered to fight for my affections. At the end of the first episode they are challenged to President Clinton's fitness test, and anyone who can't run a sub-7 mile is booted off. I mean honestly. I was able to run a 7 mile at a pack a day and I've got body fat. Each week the remaining contestants and I go on fitness-related dates, which show off my likes and abilities. We can run along the river, go to kickboxing, book bikes next to one another in studio cycling, and even do a little Zumba. The viewers get to see me in my spandex, and I might actually remember the names of the guys I'm out and about with. It's a win-win situation!
If you would like to see Fetch the Ech on a channel near you, please contact anyone you know who is in reality tv. If Snookie and Brett Michaels and Flava Flav got their chance at television love, I should too.