Weight Loss Wednesday 3.22.17

I was pretty fucking pissed after my last body fat test because I had lost even more muscle. I was so mad at myself for chasing a number on a scale and thinking it was a good idea to slash my calories to 1,200 - 1,500 for that Fat Loss Accelerator program. I knew it was a bad idea but I was so psyched to see 140 on the scale that I was hoping I'd get in the 130s and have abs and be strong and I was totally lying to myself. I was hungry all the time, prone to binge eating whenever the opportunity arose, and sucking at CrossFit. I also got really resentful towards stupidity. I know I'm blowing my macros when I sit down to a second dinner of tacos, choripapas, and a pitcher of margaritas. No one has to explain that to me. But I struggle to comprehend people who can't figure out macro tracking after a week. I don't care if Dr. Oz said olive oil is a healthy fat. If your stupid diet plan says you get 40 grams of fat a day, you can't douse everything you eat in olive oil and hit your numbers. And the complaints about not being able to eat enough to hit your numbers - well ma'am, you clearly don't look like you're starving so you've got to be eating something. Clearly I'm still not over this experience.

February 15, 2017 @ 146 lbs

February 22, 2017. In a hotel in Houston and didn't weigh myself.

Weight Loss Wednesday 2.15.17

I'm struggling with knowing that I need to eat more so that I maintain and ideally build muscle, and feeling disappointed with how I look. The scale has been all over the place lately (146 lbs today) and I feel fluffy. I looked back over my food logs and noticed that I'm not eating as much fiber as I was when I felt and looked leaner. This is why it's a good idea to record what you eat - you can refer back and identify trends or changes in behavior.

I like to bulk prepare sweet potatoes and Brussels sprouts. I chop 3 large sweet potatoes into cubes, spread them on a baking sheet, spritz them with Pam, and then season them with salt, pepper, and Flavor God garlic seasoning. They go great with eggs in the morning or any protein you might choose for lunch or dinner. I halve a bunch of Brussels sprouts, add some diced garlic, and bake them on a baking sheet. I like a little char on my sprouts. If I'm being really decadent, I'll add chopped bacon on top.

I'm going to admit that I was really disappointed when I learned that I had lost lean muscle during my last body fat test. I thought I was getting a lot stronger and I believed I must have put some muscle back on and it just feels really crappy to know that I didn't. Am I not getting stronger? Am I just chasing numbers I used to have or would have been able to hit if I hadn't started to screw up my back? Did I fuck myself up in the head again by trying to follow someone else's diet and will I always struggle between not eating and binging?

So here are this week's photos.

I'm Losing My Gains!

So I know that I regularly claim that I'm losing my gains, usually when I'm hangry or unable to do anymore pull-ups. Except it turns out that I actually am losing my gains.

On Saturday, Body Fat Test Atlanta came to CrossFit Identity with the dunk tank. This was my fourth test. The great news - I'm at 18.6% body fat. The bad news - I lost 0.55 lbs of muscle. This is on top of the pound of muscle I lost between 2014 and 2015. I know about half of you are rolling your eyes over 1.55 lbs, and the other half of you are about to send me condolence letters. Do you know how freaking hard it is to gain a pound of muscle? Really. Freaking. Hard.

My 3.5 Year CrossFit Anniversary is Saturday

So I was reading a member spotlight in another box's newsletter yesterday and the member says of her changes: "I can lift my stereotypically overpacked suitcase into the trunk of an Uber without the driver's assistance. They're always like 'let me help you with that' and I tell them 'NO I CAN DO IT BY MYSELF!'" And I felt exactly the same way. I was so dang proud of myself when I could casually toss my ridiculous suitcases above my seat on the LIRR. While I can certainly still carry my own luggage or multiple cases of seltzer in from the car, proving I can isn't that important to me. If you offer to help, go for it. That being said, I enjoyed watching two guys from PetSmart struggle with Daisy Mae's condo and was like here, let me do it. As they protested, I picked it up, loaded it into the car, and wished them a Happy Thanksgiving.

Some other things have changed in the years that I've been doing CrossFit. Six months into CrossFit and I was fitting into jeans I bought when I was 13. Three years and six months into CrossFit and I just don't fit in jeans.

Body Fat Retest

I've been trying to get my body fat retested since February. Between conference food catering, travel, and Sunday Fundays, something has always come up that's made me postpone the test. I finally got my opportunity on Saturday.

The good news. I have retained all of my lean body mass. I have lost only fat.

The bad news. I didn't lose as much body fat as I had hoped, or did I?

Hydrostatic body fat testing is the gold standard of testing. You submerge yourself in a tank of water, blow out all of the air in your lungs, and the technician measures the results. Bali takes three readings to find the accurate amount of lean body mass. I had always assumed that the test had to be an accurate reading of body fat, because come on, science! But then I realized that results have room for error.

Sustainable Goals

I've gained and lost 20 lbs several times. I'm really good at all or nothing, and my methods for weight loss were unsustainable. My workouts were long, high rep, low weight, and extremely cardio-focused. I am surprised I managed to function on what I was eating, now that I know more about nutrition. I am not surprised that I wrecked my metabolism. I've gotten some comments and I want to clarify - I do not think I am fat. I am working with a nutrition coach to lose body fat. For the amount that I workout, I think that I should have an athletic amount of body fat, 16-18%, opposed to the 20%+ I've got going on. This is both an aesthetic and performance goal. I want some visibly defined abs. It's also easier to pull up less body weight if you maintain your strength.

If your goal is not to have visibly defined abs, do you. If you think women should look soft and find a muscular physique to be manly, keep it to yourself. Luckily for you, you will probably never wake up and accidentally find yourself with abs. If you do, I'd like a detailed log of everything you did the day before.

Goals are not bad. Goals are not just for fat people, or slow people, or unsuccessful people. Successful people, in all aspects of life, have goals and work to attain them. A major reason that my weight yo-yo'd so much was that I didn't properly understand goals. I would work so incredibly hard to lose the weight, cut out food groups, panic at the thought of restaurants, and spend hours at the gym (no joke, I used to take 3-4 hour-long workout classes in a row), but then I'd be down 20 lbs and I wouldn't know what to do. Just because you reach a goal weight, you step off the scale and revert back to whatever terrible eating habits you had? No! By that point I was usually so exhausted, I would just crash and burn. Long-term and short-term goals are great. Having a plan to transition from one long-term goal to another will help you from feeling lost like I felt when I finally found my holy grail number staring back at me.

Fitbit emailed me this badge to congratulate me on losing 5 lbs. It's 7 lbs. Fitbit. It's 7.

Scales

My Blade Digital Pocket Scale has arrived! I feel like I have bought myself the freedom to eat things on the go because now I can measure out the serving that fits my macros. I'm an all or nothing kind of person. I either weigh and track everything and refuse to eat outside of my home, or I go hog wild and I'm ordering six sides to go with my hungry man breakfast. I'm hoping this pocket scale helps to keep me balanced.

UPDATE: My lovely coworkers brought Tasty China leftovers into the office and I was able to do some finangling with my planned macros and enjoy a delicious Chinese treat because of my pocket scale. I gave myself 2 ounces of white rice and an ounce of each dish, got to taste all the flavors, and I'm not in a food coma. Pocket scale for the win!

I was reading the Food+City Challenge Prize handbook at work (because I wrote the entry that made Piggy Bank an official finalist) and they referenced the SITU scale. How have I not heard of this scale?

True Love is Clipping Each Other's Body Fat

Ryan and I had a fun and exciting Tuesday night watching Yukon Men Revealed and clipping each other's body fat with calipers. Nothing says, I love you like stripping down and pinching what jiggles.

That is my tubby flab being calipered by my boyfriend.

I downloaded the app Body Tracker and used the Jackson/Pollock 7 site skinfold equation. My body fat came to 23.56%, which falls under the fitness category but is pushing into the unacceptable acceptable category.

Shame

I needed something to read on the train out to Long Island and I found my copy of Daring Greatly by Brené Brown on my desk at work. We were supposed to read it for our team stepbacks until restructuring broke up the team and that was the end of bettering ourselves book club. The book is about vulnerability and learning to tell shame to shut the fuck up. I hate admitting it, but I actually really do like it.

Today I read the section on how men and women react differently to shame. According to Brown, a lot of the shame we experience results from us feeling like we're not living up to the stereotypical expectations for our respective genders that we have bought into and been socialized to value. I don't feel much pressure to be feminine, to be seen as effortlessly perfect, domestic, or nurturing. What I did find myself resonating with was the expectations described for men - strong, in charge, never showing weakness, not being a pussy. Hell, I told someone to stop being a pussy this morning.

Then there was a whole section on shame, sex, rejection, and back fat and it got me thinking about my recent negativity towards my own body. I might have shown my narcissistic colors this week on Facebook, but the gremlins even get to me from time to time.

Fighting Post-Fourth Fatness

So it's the Monday after Fourth of July Weekend and chances are you're feeling a little more like Kim Kardashian than Kate Upton.

Just say no to refined carbs!
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An excess of beer, cheeseburgers, and those delightful red, white, and blue cupcakes can wreck havoc on your bikini body even if you intentionally starved yourself maintained a healthy low-calorie diet for the past two weeks in preparation. What should you do to avoid looking like a heifer for the rest of the summer? I'm glad you asked.

1. Put down the hot dog! Stop eating crap immediately. For the next five days you should eat primarily meats and vegetables. Limit the amount of fruit you eat. Don't even think about ordering Chinese. Dairy is not your friend.

2. Put on the tightest workout clothes you own and go for a run. Feeling your thighs rub against each other and seeing your muffin top pop out of your tiny tank top is motivation to commit to clean eating and exercise. Do not wear anything that resembles a muumuu until August. Avoid leggings and other forgiving pants.

This just screams sad and bloated.
I didn't leave for my run until after sunset to beat the heat, hence the headlamp.

3. Shower and moisturize. If you spent as much time at the beach as I did, you will be finding sand in your bathing suit until September and your skin is browner than a coconut. Don't add insult to injury by being fat and scaly.

4. Drink Alka-Seltzer. Drinkable aspirin in seltzer form that helps with indigestion. This is God's gift to binge drinking food lovers everywhere.

DIY Tip: Use clear plastic shoe organizers for your toiletries

You should be back on track by this weekend, provided you don't plan to repeat last weekend's behavior.

Weight, Muscle, and Fat

This morning I hopped on the scale just to check in with myself. I am still 137.6 lbs - a number with which I am pleased. I've gotten caught up with the numbers on the scale many times in the past and it can truly drive you crazy. Miso soup at dinner (high in sodium) can spike your weight the next morning, leaving you discouraged and frustrated. Eating dinner closer to bedtime than you normally do changes the number you see the next morning. Staying hydrated can jack those numbers up as well.

June 28, 2013

Now that I'm back into most of my clothes, I'm less concerned about my actual weight and more focused on my body composition. One of my biggest pet peeves is when someone says muscles weighs more than fat. No, a pound of muscle weighs the same as a pound of fat; they both weigh one pound. Muscle is denser than fat. What that means is that two women can own and fit into the same size 4 pair of pants. If they have different amounts of muscle mass, one woman could weigh significantly more than the other, but still fit into the same size clothing. This also means that a person can remain the same weight on the scale but drop a few dress sizes through diet and exercise. At one point in college, I actually lost weight but wore a larger size because I had stopped lifting.

My goal is to remain between 135 and 137 lbs, but to lower my body fat and build muscle. According to my fancy scale, today my body fat percentage is 25.8. This is too high. I plan to lower it with my improved eating habits, regular CrossFit attendance, and weekly runs. Instead of a number on the scale, my ultimate goal is to fit into my size 26 inch waist Citizen jeans. Those things are tiny.

And now for your viewing entertainment...

3.5 hours of sleep plus 96 oz of coffee equals this chick:

look at that calf definition!

I made the executive decision to cancel CrossFit and go home when I found myself doing this in the office:

it's a unicorn mask

I asked Facebook how ballsy it would be to wear jorts to work today. The consensus was DO IT.

So I did.

Weight Loss Wednesday 9.5.12

I'm starting a new weekly feature called Weight Loss Wednesday. Maybe it'll be easier for me to avoid Chinese food if I know that my weight is going to be posted on the internet each week.

This morning I weight 145.4 lbs. Yup, I qualify as an Athena runner. I do not make this stuff up thank you.

I'd like to lose about 15 lbs, but my real goal is to lower my body fat percentage.

More than a quarter of my body is fat. That's gross.

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The chart above is from the American Council on Exercise. As you can see, I fall into the average category.

The charts below are based on research by Jackson & Pollock and take age into consideration.

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I would like to be around 19% body fat. It's not like I have an exceptionally well-endowed chest that would skew my number higher. Day 5 of Super Sober September Health Month continues and Weight Loss Wednesday will hopefully keep me accountable.