Pre-Workout and Post-Workout

People have all sorts of pre and post-workout routines. Some people use supplements, while others only eat real foods. Tosca Reno, the lady who first introduced me to clean eating and lifting, eats like 8 or 9 times a day and keeps things constant regardless of wherever her training falls on her schedule. I train when it's convenient on a given day and I've been experimenting with different pre and post-workout nutrition and supplementation.

Normally I start my day with a protein shake made with Optimum Nutrition Extreme Milk Chocolate protein powder, Optimum Nutrition creatine, Optimum Nutrition glutamine, and Icebox Coffee New Orleans Blend concentrate. I mix it up with really cold water and it is incredibly tasty. I drink it on the way to CrossFit or Pure Barre if I'm working out in the morning. But recently I have found that I perform better if I drink pre-workout before CrossFit and then drink my shake afterwards. If I workout at noon or later, I drink the shake in the morning and then start drinking my pre-workout about 45 minutes before class is supposed to start.

Front Squats at the Falcon Civic Center

I keep seeing posts on Instagram telling some of my favorite athletes that they should take time off to enjoy the holidays. I enjoy exercise and that's how I like to spend my days off. Honestly, I wish there was just one person in my family who cared about lifting or would at least be willing to talk to me about CrossFit. Today I was in a really bad mood. I have been traveling a lot lately, I miss my dog, and I feel sick from eating foods that I usually avoid, like lasagna that comes out of a box. Fun fact: no one has ever told me to eat my vegetables because the only vegetable my family serves is iceberg lettuce.

After checking to see if I could fly back to Atlanta tonight instead of going to Pizza Ranch, I decided I needed to find a barbell. Thankfully the Falcon Civic Center was open.

I warmed up with 100 doubleunders. Then I enjoyed glorious front squats, hang cleans, and a WOD of box jumps, back squats, and doubleunders. The next time I find myself overwhelmed with family and fast food, I'll get over to the Falcon Civic Center a hell of a lot sooner.

I really should have gone right when they opened at 8!

Come See Me at the Front Desk!

It's no secret that I fell in love with Pure Barre this summer. I think it is the perfect complement to CrossFit and it's just super fun. I especially like the lovely ladies who take class and work at Pure Barre Virginia Highlands. I like them so much that I applied for a job.

I've been training this month to be a Front Desk Associate, and I am proud to share that today I was given the go-ahead to officially start. I received my own key and everything.

I use a Day Designer to keep my life organized.

I will primarily work morning shifts (5 AM to 9 AM) and some weekends. If you're thinking about trying barre class, come experience Pure Barre. I've done a lot of classes over the years (jump back to 2010 if you'd like to read through some class reviews) and Pure Barre is the only studio where I've ever wanted to work. I'd love to introduce you to our instructors and give you a tour.

Thanksgiving Fitness

My sister lives in Dallas and my aunt lives in Plano, so the family trooped off to Texas for Thanksgiving this year. Frank was a little miffed that he wasn't invited until he found out he got to spend the long weekend with his trainer Jennifer. Frank now has his own Instagram account, be tee dubs.

I arrived at DFW on Wednesday and headed back out Sunday. I made it to three different gyms in between.

My aunt lives super close to Flywheel Plano so on Thanksgiving morning I agreed to help my cousin push one of his Mustangs into the garage if he'd drive me to Flywheel in the other. His other car is a white Shelby Cobra and it's beautiful and makes a ridiculous amount of noise and I love it.

I Always Rx the Cheer

The best part of CrossFit is the community and the encouragement we give each other. Before CrossFit boxes were open on 7 continents (why yes, there is a box on Antartica!), CrossFitters came together on the main site to post their scores, share advice, and discuss the WODs and their progress. There isn't anything we do that we couldn't do alone in a random gym, basement, or parking lot. What makes us special, and causes some to call us a cult, is our love for each other and our commitment to lifting each other up when many fitness environments cause others to tear each other down. I was the meanest bitch in cardio kickboxing. I know what I am talking about.

left this fantastic sweat puddle after Tuesday's DT doubleunder variation

Loving and encouraging each other can be shown in many ways. We greet each other upon arrival. We share our fancy tape. We congratulate each other on PRs, good form, and fast times. But I think one of the best parts of our community is that we cheer for one another. I always Rx the cheer.

It is your moral obligation as a CrossFitter to cheer for me if you've called time and I am still doing wallballs. Of course there will be days when you need to get your stuff put away quickly so you can head out. Maybe you have an early meeting and you know traffic will be a bitch. Maybe if you leave right now you can see your kids before they go to school, and that is definitely reason to hightail it home. Maybe you just want to kiss your spouse before he or she heads out for the day. Whatever your reason, if it's meaningful to you, leave the gym free of judgment and go about your business. But if you're in the habit of packing up your stuff simply because you are done and therefore your reason to be at the gym has concluded, please reconsider.

We plan to be at the box for the duration of our scheduled class. At my box, that is one hour. Some days we finish early, some days we run over, but I expect to be there for that hour. If I call time 10 minutes before 6:30 AM, I can spend those 10 minutes cheering for my fellow CrossFitters and drinking my protein shake.  I am of the school that believes that no one* leaves until the last person finishes, as long as Coach calls time by the scheduled end of class.

*No one except people who have meaningful reasons. They are not obligated to share these reasons with the class. I think it is important to foster a community where people stay unless they have a meaningful reason, and other members know that if someone if leaving, she has a meaningful reason.

Rich Froning, the man who is nearly unbeatable at CrossFit, cheers for his opponents at Regionals and the Games. I've watched him finish way before members of his heat and go back out onto the floor of the tennis stadium to help motivate guys through. Carson is hot. He could be off in the shade, having a stable of PTs work on him, or at least enjoying some peanut butter and whole milk - but no. He's out there hollering for the other guys. If it's good enough for Rich Froning, it's good enough for me.

We are the only sport where the last person receives the most and loudest cheers. There were times when I used to get uncomfortable that people were cheering for me because it meant I was one of the last to finish. And then I realized that people were taking time out of their busy days to cheer for me. They weren't rushing out. They weren't breaking down their equipment and walking it in between me and my barbell (hands down the easiest way to make me want to throw a 5 lbs plate at your head). They were telling me I could do something when I didn't want to do it or know if I could. Our cheers show that we care. They help to reinforce the communities we have built and connect us to other CrossFit communities around the world. Our cheers can be the difference between a new person deciding he loves CrossFit or never coming back. Our cheers make us CrossFitters.

Jacinto Storm

Jacinto with his CrossFit Hell's Kitchen ladies

Prevention posted this beautiful video about my friend Jacinto Bonilla. Jacinto is such a badass. He's a CrossFit Games competitor, a CrossFit coach, and now he's opening his own box.

The video references Jacinto's birthday WOD - the Jacinto Storm. I had the honor and pleasure of completing the workout with Jacinto for his 75th birthday in 2014, and dude, let me tell you, that shit is no joke.

Jacinto Storm

For Time:
75 Double Unders
75 Squats
75 Push-Ups
75 Pull-ups
75 Wall Ball Shots, 20/14
75 Kettlebell Swings 24kg/16kg
75 Deadlifts 95/65
75 Double Unders

Jacinto is born July 3rd and July in NYC is a wet, smelly wasteland. This was before CFHK got air conditioning. I was so proud of myself for completing all 75 wall balls because they are totally my goat. I learned from watching the above video that we skipped the run at Hell's Kitchen. Oops.

It truly was such a special experience and I am really happy that I was up in NY and able to attend that class.

So if you're thinking you're too old or have health problems that won't allow you to CrossFit, perhaps you should reconsider.

Throwback Thursday: Rite of Passage for NYC Runners

I found this draft from April 2012. I went running in Central Park with the Professor. We were running the east side of the loop up from Columbus Circle when someone's obnoxious and poorly behaved child ran out in the road and a horse carriage moved to get out of the way and then a cyclist cut into the running lane and another cyclist cut in around him. That cyclist proceeded to ride his bike right up my leg and over my body. He ended up crying, the Professor threatened him, the cyclist's friend tried to say something about peace, love, and happiness, and I was laughing on the ground saying that they all needed to shut the fuck up.

On Saturday I, as many NYC runners before me, was hit by a cyclist while running the Central Park loop. Straight up run over. Before you start crying, I'm fine.

I came home Saturday morning (I slept over the new boyfriend's place and went to bed at a very reasonable 11PM - I am so lame now) and ate a bagel while watching tv. The Professor asked to move our run up by a few hours, which was fine until I realized I hid my Garmin while I was drunkenly cleaning and I still don't know where it is. How I managed to lose something in my studio apartment is beyond me. Then I couldn't find my other Balega sock and was forced to wear regular socks for a long run. Eff.

I told myself that these were not bad omens and to suck it up. I ran to our meeting point and was super excited to see Mrs. Professor ready to run outside.

That boyfriend and I broke up soon after this when he started ignoring me. Then I woke up next to a coworker after the big gala and insisted that the sort of ex-boyfriend come and collect the things he left at my apartment. I found my Garmin in my gym bag. I still use it today.

Scales

My Blade Digital Pocket Scale has arrived! I feel like I have bought myself the freedom to eat things on the go because now I can measure out the serving that fits my macros. I'm an all or nothing kind of person. I either weigh and track everything and refuse to eat outside of my home, or I go hog wild and I'm ordering six sides to go with my hungry man breakfast. I'm hoping this pocket scale helps to keep me balanced.

UPDATE: My lovely coworkers brought Tasty China leftovers into the office and I was able to do some finangling with my planned macros and enjoy a delicious Chinese treat because of my pocket scale. I gave myself 2 ounces of white rice and an ounce of each dish, got to taste all the flavors, and I'm not in a food coma. Pocket scale for the win!

I was reading the Food+City Challenge Prize handbook at work (because I wrote the entry that made Piggy Bank an official finalist) and they referenced the SITU scale. How have I not heard of this scale?

Throwback Thursday AND Sunday Funday

I found this old Oly Sunday draft from February 10, 2014. Oly Sundays were my absolute favorite thing about CrossFit and I wish I still got to spend Sunday mornings with Coach Chad. He's killing it over at CrossFit Dix Hills now and he has a gorgeous pit puppy named Marley.

I think I max out my front squat somewhere around 165# these days. I can power snatch at least 75# because I did that during the 2015 Open. I also knocked out 30 power snatches at 55# on Tuesday. I did sets of 5 and one set of 10, so booyah. I'm dying over here about the 75# as heavy as possible power clean and two jerks. I'm pretty confident I could hit that at 115# and may have to test it soon.

I had these boots shipped from New York recently (thanks Mom!) and will be pumping my gas in this same outfit in Atlanta this winter!

Costumes and Confidence

“Halloween is the one night a year when girls can dress like a total slut and no other girls can say anything about it.” ~ Cady Heron “Mean Girls”

I find that quotation particularly funny this year because my Halloween costume was basically what I wear every day to CrossFit plus a pair of glitter stripper heels and red lipstick. I am considering adding the red lipstick to my regular routine.

A Spooky Tale for Halloween

Happy almost Halloween y'all! Something very spooky is happening at Melrose Place my apartment complex.

So as you might know, I have been dating my neighbor since August. He's lovely and I enjoy the proximity of my apartment to his. I left my spare set of keys with him back when I left for San Francisco in September. He placed them on his key rack by the door and when I came home 11 days later, they were gone. I was annoyed but I wasn't overly concerned. He had invited a group of his coworkers over after a Braves game and he thought that maybe one of them took my keys home accidentally and was too embarrassed to admit it. Since his coworkers haven't met me and don't know where I live, it's not like they'd be able to break into my place.

But then this past weekend, the key thief struck again. Jeremy's roommate has two vehicles - his van and his car. He keeps his keys on one carabiner and hangs it on the key rack. Someone took the van and the car keys from the carabiner but put the carabiner back on the hook between Friday and Sunday. Yesterday he saw that his van had been tossed but it was locked and there was no damage indicating entry without a key.

And the plot thickens.

Pure Barre

I tried Pure Barre this summer and liked it so much that I bought some class packs and continue to go. I think it complements CrossFit training and has improved my core strength immensely. There's also just some days where I'm looking for low-impact and a lower heart rate, and Pure Barre fits that bill.

My family came down to visit me for my birthday in August. My mom, sister, and I celebrated with a class at Pure Barre together. Recently one of the instructors commented on how good they were so clearly they left an impression.

I don't know how she gets up on her toes like that, but I am impressed.

I took this photo last summer back before I was allowed to go to Pure Barre with them, mostly because they were afraid I might embarrass them. That's why I practiced very hard. I still refuse to wear long sleeves and bootcut jazz pants though, no matter if it's a requirement of their club.

My mom and I went to Pure Barre Huntington together when I was back in New York. These are her special 100 Club socks that she received for completing her 100th class. I really want a pair.

Remember Pure Barre Bingo?

And this is a photo of my sister and me at Kevin Rathbun Steak for my birthday dinner.

Austin's Lady Bird Lake

It was definitely hard to find time to workout on tour - mainly because I had to ask permission to do anything. The more I travel for work, the more I realize that traveling for work isn't really my thing. This coming from a person who has been traveling for work since 2012...

The good thing about traveling for work when you manage to carve out an hour to do something without your colleagues is finding local running routes. The Driskill Hotel had these nifty little running maps of Lady Bird Lake. I got lost getting to the lake so I ran about an extra mile.

Sunday Run

Frank and I flew back to Atlanta yesterday and got home a little before 2 PM. It was good to be back home and we spent some quality time on the couch. I knew I wasn't going to hit my step goal by lying on the couch and was facing a $10 fee for my Pact app if I didn't get moving, so I went for a quick run on the Beltline at 6 PM. The nice thing about living this far west is that the sun still sets at 7 PM this late into the fall.

Atlanta, I love you.

Trevor

The world lost a truly beautiful person last week. My friend Trevor passed away and I am heartbroken. Trevor taught me so much about friendship. His love for others was genuine, and he had an almost incredible ability to read and connect with people. I attended his funeral on Friday. Five hundred people showed up, and hundreds more expressed their desire to be there in person. If you knew Trevor, you'd easily understand why so many people came to celebrate his life.

River North CrossFit and HeritageBBQ Chicago

I flew to Chicago last Wednesday for stop 3 on the HeritageBBQ by COCHON555 tour. (Fun fact, we're supposed to write Cochon555 when it's found in the middle of a sentence, but I think it looks better always capitalized and since this is my blog, I'm going to be a rebel and do what I want.) I overslept and had to take a later flight, but it worked out for the best because I got on the same flight with two of my coworkers. We had so much luggage because we had to bring a bunch of stuff from Toronto and it really helped to have all three of us. We landed at ORD and then took a shuttle to the rental car place. I was able to put my functional fitness to use by throwing a 79# bag of pop-up banners on my back and dragging it to the shuttle stop. The driver made some cute comment about how I must workout and then tried to take the bag from me. His tone changed after that.

By the grace of God, my schedule permitted me to drop in at River North CrossFit for the 8 AM class on Friday. I felt like such shit from San Francisco and Toronto - exhausted, hungry, bloated, dehydrated, and just plain frustrated. Getting an hour to myself to do what I love made all the difference. My only complaint about tour is not really having the space to recharge - both in time and physical space.

CrossFit Golden Gate and the Start of the HeritageBBQ Tour

This past month has been a whirlwind. I left Atlanta on September 11 for the first stop of Cochon555's HeritageBBQ tour in San Francisco. Our event was held at Magnolia Brewing in Dogpatch and the light of my life Colton came to help us sell merchandise. 

I fucking love this kid.

We had incredible dinners at The Battery, Dirty Habit, and at our own event. By Tuesday I was dying to do a WOD and was able to drop in at CrossFit Golden Gate for the noon class before my redeye to Toronto for stop two.

Confidence, Humility, and Being a Girl

I was born in 1986, and as a girl born in the 80s, I grew up being told I could be anything I wanted to be and that I am just as good as any boy. But then I was also told that my teachers were more likely to call on boys than the girls in class, that I wasn't a good math student because girls were better at things like reading and writing, and that I needed to prove myself every day to be seen as smart.

Once out of school, I kept being told how women have to act confident and work to be taken seriously in a workplace full of men, especially white straight men. I think there were maybe 8 white straight men in all 53 offices over at TFA, but dammit, I needed to learn to hold my own and be taken seriously by them. Every other Facebook post is about leaning in, conveying confidence, and the double standard of women being seen as bitches at work while men get seen as bosses for the same behavior. I still long for the days when Facebook was full of pictures of you making duck faces with your sorority sisters while your boyfriend threw up in the lefthand corner in a delightfully fucked up photobomb. Now between engagement rings, sonograms, and new houses, I have to be told how to function in the workplace as a woman and in the world as a woman, and oh wait, now you think I've gotten too muscular and I no longer look like a woman.

So this morning my shrink informs me that his hypothesis on why I suck at dating is that my confidence is too threatening and I need to tone it down so others can feel more comfortable being themselves around me while they get to know me. 

I'm just going to let that marinate for a moment.

(My hypothesis is that I go on dates with people I meet on the internet and I sleep with my neighbors. Now who has that degree is psychology?)

Now I know he can't have possibly meant that I need to make myself less than so that a man will like me more. Apparently he thinks this will help women to like me more too. I politely told him what I think of his hypothesis and limited myself to two f-bombs and only one you've got to be kidding me.

I was ticked off but I'm usually good at receiving feedback, so I reached out to the person I guess I'm kind of dating to ask his opinion. Bless his heart, he answered candidly.

Bless your heart is fuck you in Southern.

Addicted to CrossFit

I really didn't think that I was going to make it to 5:30 AM CrossFit today.

But then I couldn't sleep.

5:30 Club - So Blessed

I was in class with Gina Gallo at Bikram Yoga Roslyn in June, and she closed out the 90 minutes by sharing a little wisdom about being busy. She told us that when our days are really full and we have so many things we need to do and want to do, we should be thankful to have such rich lives and feel grateful for the opportunities instead of stressed out or resentful. At that point I was being paid to not really have a job, no one was offering me a job I actually wanted, and I was so exhausted from not sleeping that I acted like a zombie with an exceptionally short fuse. I swore I would be so grateful the next time I had a rich full life.

Well guys, I am super fucking thankful.

So fucking thankful that I had to start working out at 5:30 in the morning.

Rivka and I so happy after 3 RFT 100 doubleunders, 20 sumo deadlift high pulls @65#

A Fantastic Week

So last Thursday I went on a date with this guy I met on Tinder. I'm terrible at dating because if given too much time (aka any more than 20 minutes from the start of the date), I start coming up with excuses not to go. It was raining, and I was tired from work, and I was hungry and we were supposed to have drinks and then I was trying to eat while simultaneously putting on makeup, and I was totally going to bail. I am so incredibly happy that I did not. We had the best time. And one week later, we've had six dates.

Pure Barre Bingo

Pure Barre Virginia Highland is playing bingo until August 16. Since we know that I am incredibly competitive, I am already strategizing how to win. Today we used a double-tube in Katy's class so that's one box down.

Functional Fitness

Last week I started my awesome new job at COCHON 555 and I flew out to Napa on Thursday for our Heritage Fire event. It was FANTASTIC! Honestly, I've never been to a cooler event. I'm extremely excited for the Heritage BBQ tour to start in September. If you're in San Francisco, Chicago, Toronto, Austin, or D.C., you should buy tickets. I promise it will be a great time.

So a major component of event production is setting up for the events. Thank you Captain Obvious. Since we know I love lifting and carrying heavy things, setting up for events is kind of like a CrossFit Christmas for me. Clearly I am in the correct line of work.

I would like to report that my CrossFit membership totally paid off this weekend when my new bff Matt and I headed to the storage unit with the U-Haul van. We needed to pack up the rest of the items in storage so that they could be properly inventoried on site. This included a 23" Saffire kamado grill (think the red version of a Big Green Egg) and a gigantic plastic pallet.

source

I almost lost an ear when I accidentally trapped my head between the egg and the back door latch on the van, BUT we didn't drop it.

I am extremely proud of figuring out how to get this pallet into the back of the van. It wouldn't fit into the side entrance and we couldn't get it high enough to clear the back. Then I realized that it would flip exactly like a tire, so we put it down on the ground and flipped it right into the truck. Strongman training for the win!

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Oversharing and Inspiring Others

Hyberbole and a Half

I'm sure some of you wonder why I write about my life and share it with whomever clicks on this blog. Some of you might call it oversharing. What started as an outlet for me to write when I was teaching 9-year-olds and convinced my brain cells were dying, has become a way for me to connect and reconnect with people. I value every message I have ever received regarding this blog. They're usually from acquaintances and start off with, "I know you don't know me very well, but..." and then go on to say how that person decided to take up CrossFit or run their first race or use MyFitnessPal or do something else they might not have had inclination to do otherwise. It makes me very happy.

I write about more than just my workouts because maybe you'll relate to something that I say or think, or you'll see yourself in me. You might just be like, this girl is batshit, but at least she's funny. I had hesitated to write about the demise of my swolemate relationship, but a few days ago I received another, "I know you don't know me very well" message from a friend (I considered him a friend since we met) who is going through his own breakup. Being able to be there for him in that moment makes telling the world that I failed at another relationship worth it.

You could get a lot more unbiased workout reviews from RateYourBurn, so thank you for reading In Shape Out of Mind. I appreciate your support.

Single Looks Good on You

I take books out of the local library to read as bedtime stories when I babysit for my boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's (got to remember that) nieces. And I was really excited to read The Rainbow Fish to them when I was supposed to babysit two weeks ago. I finally returned the book last night. It's been two weeks and this break up is beginning to feel real.

I haven't been moping around though. I've been going to Pure Barre, walking Frank around the neighborhood, and going out for meals and drinks with friends, and even kind of starting to date. I've lost four pounds from tracking my macros and that's including frozen margaritas. I've been reading Katiefitscript and I love her information on cutting and then reverse dieting.

And Life Goes On

I'm surviving being single. Sometimes I cry, sometimes I get angry, but mostly I enjoy not pretending to be happy. I watched seventeen episodes of Twin Peaks over the weekend and I'm okay with that. I'm also remembering the pros and cons of being me before I spent all of my time at home texting my boyfriend. I went to grill out at CrossFit on Friday afternoon and after drinking my way through most of the beers, I headed out for too many margaritas. Definitely woke up on my floor Saturday morning with Frank peering down at me from my bed. I believe my rationale was that my bed was nicely made and I was only going to ruin it. Can't argue with that.

I've been going to Pure Barre pretty regularly and I think I've gotten better at it. I didn't realize how strong my abs are until I was able to do a lot of the holds and tucks. I struggling with the planks because my feet keep slipping on the carpet with those not-so-sticky socks. I must be doing planks wrong (it wouldn't surprise me) since most other people there don't have this problem.

Thoughts on Love During a Long Run

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. (Corinthians 13:4-7)

Today I ran the long run I skipped last Friday in favor of watching The Young and the Restless in bed with my dog. Spectacular idea at the time and I felt pretty good on my run today. I had 8 miles to cover before my Pure Barre class at noon. I left a little bit after 9:30 AM and headed south on the Eastside Beltline Trail.

I had to run 4 more miles after the Beltline so I hit up Piedmont Park

First Day of Pure Barre

My sister and my mom are huge fans of Pure Barre. They're always going to Pure Barre and talking about Pure Barre. They even have special socks for Pure Barre. It sounds kind of like a cult, and since I like cult fitness movements, I decided I needed to try it. I also got a little sick of my sister telling me how Pure Barre is only for experienced workouters, because if CrossFit can be adapted for people missing limbs, I'm pretty sure Pure Barre can be adapted for people who are intimately acquainted with their couches. So I signed up for the new client special and had my very first class today.

Let me be the first person to stand up and say that Pure Barre is extremely difficult. So many isometric holds and micromovements! My legs felt like noodles! And all those front squats yesterday certainly didn't help matters. It's been over an hour and my legs still feel like jelly.

I'm excited to share my Pure Barre journey with you guys over the next several weeks. I'm not quitting CrossFit, and consider Pure Barre an extension of my CrossFit. Coach Glassman says to "regularly learn and play new sports."

I had a great time in class today with the instructor Meredith. The only thing that I would change is the dresscode - pants and covered midriffs are required!

Front Squats and Reflections on Life

Things have been really hard for me lately. I was hoping that I'd bounce back quickly after my attack in May, but it's been much slower progress than I had hoped. Just now I took Frank out to the grass directly in front of my apartment and I was genuinely scared. I stood out there, standing as tall as possible, and repeating, "I have a 165# front squat and a taser - no one is fucking with me ever again." I keep my taser on and ready and I don't go out after dark without it. Today I ran errands alone in Atlanta for the first time since early June and I was scared to walk across parking lots in broad daylight. It makes me so angry because I feel so weak.

I was laid off (again) and my last day on the job is July 31. Thankfully my role was extended past the last day of the fiscal year (May 29), but I've been rejected from internal positions that I really thought I had a strong chance of getting. It's been frustrating because the feedback I've received has been basically, "We think you're great, but since so many people got laid off this year, the applicant pools are huge and competitive and you just weren't the best, but you were totally number 2." I've been getting pissed off because after defining myself by my work for so long, I now feel that another thing has been taken away from me and it's out of my control. 

I've been acting really negative and taking it out on my wonderful boyfriend, who is a saint to put up with me. Today's his birthday so you should wish him a happy birthday if you know him and haven't done so yet. Even going back up to NY for two weeks didn't help make me feel better. It's like the joy has been sucked right out of my life and I'm stuck in this cycle of feeling and acting like a victim. Even after being beaten and losing my job, this year is actually much better than 2009-2012, and I made it through all that. I feel like I've lost perspective.

My blog photographer, aka my mom, did not return to Atlanta with me, so I'm experimenting with the iPhone timer.