I think those shorts might be the most incredibly unflattering shorts ever. It has only taken me 10 months to realize this.
Speaking of pants, since I had all this extra time this morning, I tried on my jeans. They are Mossimo Supply Company (Target brand) skinny jeans in size 7 short. Remember, Mossimos are usually in juniors sizes. And yes, 75% of the clothing I wear is from Target. The rest is 20% Calvin Klein and 5% Escada. Just roll with it.
Now you might have noticed that my posts have been lacking sentences such as, "I was throwing up at work to get rid of my hangover," and "Then I woke up drunk and went running," and my personal favorite, "Once I determined who was sleeping next to me, I woke him up for breakfast sandwiches and convinced him not to go to CrossFit." That's because I haven't been drunk in 31 days.
Yes, 31 days. Close your mouth and stop looking so shocked. Back in May I had started assessing the looming train wreck that was my life. What I affectionately called the Wendy Challenge (some of you will get this inside joke) was booked on the calendar from June 16 to July 16. Then early June arrived and my life, as chronicled by my Facebook statuses, became more of a train wreck in motion. The Wendy Challenge changed from being a bet to see if I could avoid alcohol for a month and became a 30 day commitment to living like a semi-adult who made good decisions. Since June 16 I've behaved responsibly. I attended two happy hours where I had a two drink limit. I attended other happy hours and only drank seltzer (who am I?). On the 4th of July, I had 4 drinks THE ENTIRE DAY. I went to a day drinking pool party and kept it under 5 adult beverages. (Granted I did make out with someone significantly younger than I am that day, but hey - College seniors, I keep getting older and they just stay the same.)
I've also gone into the office every single day that I haven't been off or on vacation, even though I don't have to go there to work. I have been at my desk by 6:45 AM more than once and I have not arrived any later than 8:30 AM. I have worn actual professional clothing except for the two times I wore jorts, which was more of a social experiment than a fashion choice. I've worked out at least 4 days a week (usually more) AND started CrossFit. I also ate Chinese food four times without binge eating myself into an MSG-induced coma.
Now that I'm not using my super human powers to function with what should be a debilitating hangover, I have become super productive and hyper efficient. I have also entirely stopped sleeping. Get ready world because I'm not sure you're prepared for In Shape Out of Mind 2.0.